Super Bowl LIII (that’s 53 for you non-Romans)

By Leslie Silverman

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It’s almost game day. I can’t wait. Got my grill all fired up with some extra charcoal just in case. Twenty-five cases of PBR, 100 killboyssee, 200 premade burgers with all the fixings, bags and bags of chips. My 1200 inch, HD Simplesung is all warmed up. Base surround sound with volume set to infinity is all systems go.

This year it’s the LA BeenRammedTooMuch versus the New England Patrinizers, led by Bill Writealargecheck and Tom Greedy. Pats are always in it.

Almost makes you think it’s fixed. But this is American football…as legit as our political contests are. Just once this century I’d like to see Merica’s team, the Dallas Concussioners get into the big game though.

The big game takes place this year in Atlanta, at the NonAmericanCarMaker stadium, one of the greatest bargains ever funded, costing the public only about $600 million to build.

Interestingly, the guy that runs all the business dealings for the Atlanta Fullofcons, the team that normally plays in the stadium, is also the same guy who used to head up the NonAmericanCarMaker company who bought the naming rights to the stadium.

Just like most things American, there seems to be no conflict of interest here at all.

Saw the commercials already on WewatchtoomuchTube. The one where the Clydesdales jump over the fields of weed is hysterical.

And the Orange commercial showing the eyephone100, I can’t wait to get that implanted so I can stream all my favorite WhoLose episodes directly to my brain.

My favorite ads, which were filmed on location in the Arctic, show a starved Polar Bear enjoying an ice cold CaCa Cola. How they train those bears I’ll never know.

The halftime show looks legit this year.

A few years back my boob tube had a malfunction—missed the entire performance of Fansreplayedit Backalotson and Justin Treesdeforestedpollutedlake.

Rumors are that the National Felons League originally asked the mega star Purple to sing at the halftime show this year.

She turned the league down so the NFL found Red5 instead. They will be joined on stage by Travi$$ $$cott and Big Baby who apparently need both extra publicity and cash considering the whole Colin Caperkneel scandal shaking the Felon’s league at the moment.

Other big named artists like JointZ and ReAHHHNa were asked as well, but declined the standing invitation. At least they recruited the legend Gladshesaidyes Day to perform the National Anthem. It would have been a total travesty if she chose to sit this honor out.

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